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Sugar Puffs 5 - 5 Bury Saxons
01/11/2017 - Bob Harman
(A ROUND UP FROM THE POST MATCH PRESS CONFERENCE APPEARS BELOW) -
BOB’S BLOBBLOG – 1st NOV 2017 -
Damn it! I forgot to say ‘White Rabbits’ on waking from a drunken slumber this morning and it clearly cost me dear come the evening and the visit of the marauding Saxons, who were clearly ready to raise hell in the land where the Sugar Puffs rule. More about the match itself a bit later, firstly we need to set the scene, starting with a revealing page from my Blobbobblog for today 1st November, a sort of moaners’ paradise, in the nicest sense of the word.
Is Heston from Charlton?
He just might be, and he probably supplies their footie team with curried caramel orange slices every Saturday at half-time, as you do as a celeb chef who is keen on football and promotion in particular. But much nearer home, the dark towering chimneys at the epicentre of the local monstrosity that we have affectionately dubbed ‘The Bury Pong’ on our Whatsapp forum, are currently belching out some of the vilest smells known to Bury man, woman and child. Not sweet like sugar should be, these smells are more like the Devil’s very own silk underpants being incinerated to a crisp in order to add a bit of grist to the mill, whilst offering up as a by-product the sort of ingredient that only self-confessed table tennis nut and food guru Heston Blumenthal would happily use all day, passing it on to the unsuspecting souls that flock in their hordes to Waitroses aplenty across the land just to catch a glimpse of yer man’s very latest peculiar culinary offering.
Yep, you guessed it, it’s Heston’s good old-fashioned ginger and redcurrant banana trout trifle laced with imported apricot cyanide from Sierra Leone, or other such outlawed combos from the 15th century that pirates deemed good for their metabolism and are now deemed even better for Heston’s deliciously deep pockets, which are incidentally filled with flaked almonds, butterscotch frogs and a leg of mutton marinated in lime. So with this in mind, the scene is now almost set (no Sundry, I don’t mean ‘set’ as in the vile trifle) for the showdown of the season so far and unlike the trifle it didn’t disappoint…
Now life at Harman Towers was looking up - a Heston special, his finest range, a sachet of cold porridge flecked with pulled pork scratchings in lamb gravy got me off to a flyer on the day, which reminds me I must add toilet rolls to the Waitrose list. Next, out in the country near the quintessentially-English village of Nowton and a welcome sighting of a rare black pheasant on the journey home, looking rightly pleased with himself, was swiftly followed by a much less welcome sighting back home of around 20 queen wasps frolicking in the sunshine within the confines of my garden shed window - looking yellow, black and stripy and quite angry too, as they tried to evade capture from nearby spiders lurking patiently in wait for a meal that even Heston hasn’t thought of adding to his wondrous mix, well maybe not yet anyway….. sorry spidey lads I thought, my trusty Vapona death spray on a selfie stick will soon be disappointing you once again. Eat your heart out Chris Packham, you can keep your staged Autumnwatch dramas down in the dingly dells of Whereveryouare - if it’s in my back garden, it’ll probably be in yours too.
I heard on the radio today that there’s an old adage in football that states it doesn’t matter how you start the game, it’s how you finish it that matters and I was pondering this as I sat in my lounge, like a bullfrog squatting on a water lily, in my best Lotus position, mentally preparing to take on the Saxons this very evening. That crusty adage would come back to haunt me, 100%, as our youngest Puff Will says all too often, when he’s not in America!
PUFFS POST MATCH PRESS CONFERENCE:
Rufus T Firefly reports from the post match press conference, with selected quotes from the Puffs captain, Dom ‘Gaffer’ Melero:
Q) Your verdict on the match?
A: Rufus old chap, it was exceedingly good as Mr Kipling would say...an absolute belter, with so many close calls throughout the evening, and the quality there for all to see who came along to watch, 'without doubt the best match he had ever seen' according to a good judge in Peter Kemp
Q) From start to finish a true battle of skill and wits?
A: Yep, 100%, like watching two quality heavyweights slug it out over 12 rounds and honours were rightly even on the judges’ cards at the end of the night. My team Statto tells me we actually won on points by 373 to 364, so we’ll claim the moral high ground there, for what it is worth!
Q) How did you all feel about coming up against Mark James, who moved from your team to the Saxons at the end of last season?
A: We were a bit wary of quite what to expect from the ‘Haybaler‘ as we had seen he was unbeaten to date, and knowing and playing with Mark for a long time, we knew he would want to put up a good show back in Puffland, and he didn’t disappoint - in fact he played his absolute socks off to beat Bob (Harman) in the match of the evening, some of the banana loops he managed to return, five or six at a time in each rally, were simply staggering, all credit to him!
Q) Rumours were circulating pre-match about former Bury champion Dave Unwin hinting at being a tad disillusioned, under par and talking of retirement, did that surprise you?
A: It didn’t initially, given some unexpected losses so far this season, but come 10.30pm and after he had seen us all off, getting better and better and sharper as the night went on, while declaring himself 95% over his shoulder problems that have plagued him of late, I don’t think we need to be worrying too much on his behalf for a few years yet! Without any argument whatsoever, he was the Man of the Match, I’d give him 9/10 for tonight, with still maybe a few minor wrinkles to iron out in his game, but he’s definitely getting right back to something like his very best form of a couple of years ago.
Q) Sum up your feelings on the night?
A: A little frustrated that we didn’t get the ‘W’, a quick look at the card will tell you just how many crucial games we lost at deuce, but at the end of the day, it was Even Stevens, both teams fought tooth and nail, so all in all probably a fair result, keeping the season very much alive for both teams, with only a single point separating us in the chase for the League title. Rest assured, we won’t be giving up our title lightly!