Match Report

Resurgent Standish were in Rainford on Tuesday night ... with a squad bigger than Man City’s it was anybodies guess who would be playing ... early news revealed that Gordon ‘chopping’ Wood wasn’t available so all were relieved that they would be home before midnight.

Siney, McKenna and Foster turned out for Standish ... with Scamperer, Dazla and Mighty Joe representing the home team ... and it was first blood to Standish as Paul Siney swept Mighty Joe aside with a consistent top spin game. Scamperer balanced the books by beating Foster only for McKenna to do the same to Dazla.

It was 7-3 to Standish after three games ... Scamperer v Siney ... one nil to the Rainford boy and then a pivotal moment ... Scamperer gets a precision edge ... Siney used his special ‘see round corners’ vision ... and shouted “Side” .. there was a hiatus whilst the VAR system was used for the first time in the Wigan League ... well, they call it VAR at Rainford Labour Club ... anywhere else it is known as CCTV.  

Barmaid Kerry said the images were unclear so the decision fell to Umpire McKenna ... the Rainford players were animated ... which was more than could be said for Umpire McKenna ... after some deliberation and a short snooze he announced his decision ... “just sort it out between yourselves” ... this could be a landmark ruling ... were the combatants to strip to the waist and fight it out ... would it be pistols at dawn ... or would they just play a let?  They played a let and Siney went on to win 3-1.

Mighty Joe then had a stoating five setter with Terry ... both had match point in the fifth ... and it was Terry’s stoicism that won through 13-11.  The newly crowned Div 2 Doubles Champions Dazla/Scamperer took to the table and immediately went 8-1 down to the combo of Foster & Siney ... before coming back to win 13-11 and then taking the match. The Standish boys may have stoicism but the Rainford boys have resilience ... well, that was until Paul Foster beat Dazla 3-1 in the next game.

17-11 to Standish with three to play ... Scamper beat Terry and Dazla beat young Siney in a fabulous five setter ... beer was bought before the last match was finished ... the carbs did something to Paul Foster as he smashed everything in sight ... and won the final game in splendid fashion.  Final score 22-16 to the Standishians.

In the Rainford Labour Club bar after the match the discussion amongst the locals was about the recent Labour Party decision not to accept transgender women onto all women short lists ... sorry, my mistake that was a discussion I heard on the radio earlier ... the topics of discussion in the bar were about how salty the pork scratchings were ... why do you even eat those things ... did you know I’ve never owned a house with stairs ... why is a lager top called a lager top when it has lemonade on top ... when are they going to get that VAR working ... and where’s Mighty Joe gone?
Written by: Martin Machin
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