Match Report

Slayers were in town to take on Smash on Tuesday night ... and Smash were still smarting from last week’s defeat to Titans so team captain Machin had been deselected ... if there was a table tennis version of walking football he would now be playing it.  

The Smash line up was Lawrenson, Kennedy and Foss.  Slayers were Scott Crielly, Dave Morris and medium-sized Adam. For those that recall the Big Adam and Little Adam combo from last season, neither is still playing.  Big Adam is away doing teenage stuff whilst little Adam has spent the summer in a Grow Bag.

Nick the Knife v Morris Dancer Dave ... the first should have gone to Morris Dancer but Nick nicked it 12-10 and went on to win in three.  Medium-sized Adam got off to a big hitting start in his game against Mighty Joe ... Joe levelled at 1-1 but Medium-sized Adam took it in the fourth.

Dazla then beat English Scott in three which was the start of a run of straight set wins for Smash.  Mighty Joe did the same to Morris Dancer Dave followed by Nick the Knife beating English Scott in a closely contested game, but still in three straights.  13-3 to Smash at half time ... the home fans had a skip in their step as they went for their Bovril.

The Man Utd game was on the Big Screen in the tele room ... the question was would the fans stay to watch Professional European Football or return to watch Amateur Wigan League Table Tennis?  Bizarrely more returned than left at half time.

Darren and MS-Adam had an enthralling ‘who can hit the ball hardest’ competition which Darren won 13-11 ... and he then went on to take the match.  Then we had an epic five setter in which Mighty Joe led 8-7 in the fifth against English Scott ... Mighty Joe hits an almighty winner ... or so we thought ... Scott stretches and knocks it high ... it balloons over the net with huge back spin ... enough to land on Joe’s side of the table and spin back onto his own side without Joe being able to lay a bat on it. Eight all and Scott used this piece of Wiff Waff Wizardry to go on to win the fifth 12-10.

Morris Dancer Dave then had a ‘knock the skin off the ball’ competition with Dazla ... and another five setter ... but the Smash man had enough to take it.  Nick beat MS-Adam in the last encounter 3-1 but with a little more composure it could have gone the other way.  The electronic scoreboard showed a 27-10 win for Smash but it felt like a closer game than that.

In the Sky Sports studio Jose Mourinho said “sorry, how did we get on? I got bored and in the second half I went to watch the Smash v Slayers encounter”.

The players were finishing their post match pint when Mighty Joe’s nurse dutifully arrived at the appointed collection time ... but he was nowhere to be seen ... we downed our pint and made our way home through the mean streets of Rainford ... at the roundabout there was a shadowy Count Dracula figure harassing passers by for Jelly Babies ... a six foot trick or treater unchaperoned at midnight ... where were his parents?
Written by:David Mawdesley
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